The thing about sexism being this pervasive, structural thing, is that guys get really defensive when something they did gets called out as sexist. And look, the whole point is that it’s pervasive and you don’t notice, and just because you do a thing doesn’t mean you’re an unreconstructed misogynist from the bowels of GamerGate… it just means that this gross cultural soup of sexism we’re all marinating in has just… soaked in a little.
You’re not a bad person because you absorbed the grossness around you- we ALL do, which is why it’s so pernicious. It’s just… once it’s been pointed out, make an effort, you know?
(I totally do some of the stuff on this list and have not been able to break myself of the habit. It’s a process, y’all. All any of us can do is try to be better.)
I want to thank you for opening your heart and your family to your Tumblr friends. These past few years, you’ve brightened my days just by being you and sharing your thoughts and bits of your life and work, and I’m grateful for that.
Thank you for sharing Riley with us, for bringing all of us together to celebrate and honor him. I am deeply honored to know you, and him, and I am holding you and your beautiful, loving, family in my heart, today and always.
I hope the love and support you’re finding here carries you through the coming hours, days, weeks, and months, even if just a little bit.
I have been struggling all day to find words, and failed completely. Right now, I am just profoundly grateful for Toni’s.
Summer, we love you. I wish we were all closer together, as a family, so that we could hug you - but for now, know that you and your family and all your loved ones are in our every waking thought.
We’re all beyond bereft, and we’re all in your corner wanting to do something, anything at all, to help you and Ken and your family. You have been so warm and wonderful to all of us. We want to share that warmth and joy back at you in a way that will help.
I don’t know where to begin but with this post. It is poor substitute for a hug, or a dinner, or mowing the lawn and weeding the garden, or running some errands.
“Gamergate, I have one message for you so listen up. When you take your last dying breath, I want you to know this. It was an absolute pleasure knocking you on your ass for the fine women in this field.”—
“It was never easy to be a Kansas City Royals fan. There were the seasons when we didn’t spend enough money and the seemingly countless seasons when were told to be patient, that the next generation of talent — the ones that would save us — were on their way. There was the strike. There was a parade of managers from Tony Muser to Trey Hillman to Buddy Bell. And so we waited. For my entire life, we have waited. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t lost some hope that there would ever be a season worth telling my kids about one day, that they could ever know a Royals team that was truly special.”—
About 15 minutes ago, Charlie woke up crying. I went upstairs, put his binky back in, and held him until he went back to sleep.
I am glad that I can soothe him so easily.
I’m not looking forward to the days when I have to explain things to him. Like Ferguson, or GamerGate, or why we let a bunch of controller jockeys threaten bombs and guns to let women speak in public places.
Or why we need to allow concealed firearms in institutions of learning.
So I’ll settle for putting him back to sleep with a binky and a song.
There are a lot of days I wished we all lived in the same house so we could hug each other in times of trouble, take our fights out to the hot tub area, get super drunk and watch bad television, and so we could actually talk to each other.
Then I go look at gifs and think about other things.
Also the yelling match until one of us says something so stupid the rest laugh and the fight is over time for sexy.
The Internet is marvelous for so, so many things, but it can make things so, so much worse than having a conversation in person where natural cues deescalate the tensions.
This is a really good read about the iOS 8 encryption issue and I strongly encourage everyone with an iPhone or iPad to read it, because how you respond to it is going to temper what you do about it when this gets to be an issue in Congress.
Here’s are the two sides:
Law enforcement, which says that there’s a need to reveal the contents of locked devices with a warrant
Fellow citizens, who have a right to privacy, even when it may implicate them in criminal activity.
If you support law enforcement always catching the bad guy, even when some of those guys may or may not be all that bad, then you want LE access after the fact.
If you’re okay with a few people getting away with it, but a clear right to privacy on your personal devices, then you don’t.
Count me among the latter group. We are consistently seeing law enforcement abuse of citizens’ rights to privacy in favor of some fantastical misunderstanding of the role of technology in their investigations, and are using broad-cast nets of digital surveillance to invade the lives and livelihoods of many instead of doing the work.
“In the end, Ms. Judelson bought a $2,500 Stearns & Foster pillowtop mattress that she found too hot as a sleep surface. She returned it and ended up spending $2,000 for a Simmons Beautyrest Pemberton Plush, a name that made her laugh. She didn’t find the rest of the experience as amusing. One senses that Ms. Judelson settled on the Pemberton less for its comfort than to put the whole thing behind her. “Because of all the confusion — every aspect of it — it wears you down,” she said. “To the point where you say, ‘Please just let this be over.’ ””—
We got a sitter today to go bed shopping, and the experience was maddening. Sleepy’s only had one person working, so we were second fiddle for a good solid half hour. We ran out of time before our sitter was up, so we bailed.
“William Coleman III of Gresham, Oregon, was robbed of his Walther-brand P22 handgun. The gun was stolen by a young man who walked up to Coleman, pulled out his own gun, and said, “I like your gun. Give it to me.” Coleman handed the man his gun, then the man ran away with the recently purchased P22. Open carry advocates like the National Rifle Association (NRA) have claimed that the ability to openly carry handguns is a deterrent to crime.”—
The video I posted earlier, taken outside of Busch Stadium in St. Louis, where local sports fans clashed with Ferguson protestors has generated a lot of page views today for Deadspin, but it also catalyzed a lot of discussion about how you deal with behavior like those of the fans that said the…
For serious. We as white people did not “give” people of color their freedom. Ending slavery was not a favor we did them.
We stopped committing a massive evil against our fellow humans. You don’t get points for that; you don’t get thanked for that. You don’t get to say to people you have harmed, “Okay, I stopped harming you, so now you have to be silent about what happened.” You don’t get to say, “Okay, we stopped engaging in the big evil, so you should be so grateful that you shut up about the little ones.”
If someone breaks into my house and starts beating me up, and I yell for them to stop, and they do, I don’t owe them a thank you for stopping.
This is why it’s important to talk about privilege, and systems of oppression, and the normalization of some people and erasure or stereotyping of others: because there are white people who think ending the institution of slavery should have been the end of the conversation about race.
“So Ward 5 Councilmember Kenyan McDuffie is proposing a new regulation that would increase the District’s commitment to affordable housing where it has the most say: on public land. Tomorrow, McDuffie will introduce a bill requiring that when public land is sold or leased for development of at least 10 residential units, 20 percent of those units must be set aside as affordable housing. If the site is near a Metro station, a streetcar line, or a major bus route, the requirement rises to 30 percent. That’s significantly more than the 8 to 10 percent of units that must be affordable under inclusionary zoning.”—
The video I posted earlier, taken outside of Busch Stadium in St. Louis, where local sports fans clashed with Ferguson protestors has generated a lot of page views today for Deadspin, but it also catalyzed a lot of discussion about how you deal with behavior like those of the fans that said the equivalent of “we gave you your freedom, what else do you want from us?” and “get a job!”
Someone asked me, “are you saying you would’ve gotten right in the middle of a similar issue between Nationals fans and a protest group?”
And my answer was a clear and unequivocal: YUP.
Because what those people said wasn’t okay, and they need to be called out on it. It doesn’t have to be you, if you have reason to believe there’d be a confrontation that devolved to violence. But Im 6’3” and a healthy 3 bills, and I can, quite frankly, take it if they start dishing it out.
It’s not okay to say those kinds of things in public. It’s not okay to tell people “get a job!” when there aren’t jobs that you can just walk up and get. It’s definitely not okay to tell people they should be happy with what they have, as if their lives are a gift from white people. I don’t care what your local news has said is the problem, the rest of us can see what happened and stand on our own.
This shit cannot stand.
And yes, that means uncomfortable public conversations in places that are usually oases.
And we need to commit as a nation to having them more often.